Imitation of popular wealthy black rapper

That kind of stuff is humorous, and plus it's not racism because Bill Cosby doesn't like those guys either, and he's probably black, I guess.

When I started this blog, the furthest thing from my mind was money. My thoughts were purely focused on the betterment of mankind. Also, Johnny Depp. Maybe it was the betterment of mankind through Johnny Depp, or the betterment of Johnny Depp through mankind's ritual sacrifices to Him.

Either way, it was pretty damn noble.

However, like all well intentioned people, I'm secretly a huge slut for money. So when I absently clicked through the formatting options and saw the availability of google ads, dollar signs in a font that properly conveys capitalistic greed and humor, maybe comic sans, popped up in my pupils. After a trip to the optometrist, I quickly set up as many of those little fuckers as I could at the bottom of the page, because I figured that way I'd be cheating the system and squeezing a bunch of ads into a place where no one looks anyway. It's like smuggling arms in the anus of a poor, starving child, but painting the child fun colors to confuse border patrol.

Christ, I could barely contain my excitement. I mean, these things pay out, right? Like, big time. Those youtube guys didn't even have ads, and they made money. This page has to get at least as many views as youtube. Hell, if it doesn't, I'll just pay a twelve year old to butcher a classical piece of music on his guitar and watch the page views rack up. I quickly became lost in contemplation of the things my new riches could buy me. Hookers, probably. Chocolate. Gold.

Gold plated hookers carrying chocolate. Oh, yes. Yes.

It turns out, though, that I was in for the biggest disappointment of my life, aside from finding out that women are not attracted to full body Chuck E. Cheese tattoos. After ten days, I hadn't made any money. Apparently, a thousand page views are required before google will fork over their huge piles of search engine scented cash. And, when they do finally pay, it's about three dollars.

Google, I've known you a while. I kind of like you, in the sense that I don't really, but I'm saying that so as to avoid social awkwardness. However, let me make this perfectly clear.

I would make more money off of this thing if I meticulously collected the finger sweat from my keyboard after every post, saved it in a jar, and sold it to some Taiwanese guy named Lucky who sits around in a lime green bathing suit all day purchasing primo quality finger sweat for his nefarious uses. Like, twice as much money.

On an unrelated note, feel free to contact me about killer deals on, uh. Bottled water. Yeah.